Christmas Jokes : Humor is very subjective; this is very true to everyone who tries to crack a joke. The interesting thing is that there is an awkward feeling that hits us mercilessly whenever we flop. We know it instantly when we land, hit, kill the funny bone.
Christmas Jokes
With what do the reindeer decorate their Christmas trees? Horn-aments.
What kind of photos do elves take? Elfie’s!
How does a sheep say Merry Christmas? “Fleece Navidad!”
What does an elf study in school? The elf abet.
What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells!
What do elves do after school? Their gnome work.
What do you call a greedy elf? Elfish.
If an athlete gets athlete’s foot, what does an elf get? Mistle toe!
What do snowmen eat for lunch? Iceberg-ers.
How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle!
Kim Jong Un will play Santa this year in the South’s annual pantomime. He said he fancied a Korea change!
Why did Donald Trump continuously decorate the Christmas tree? Because people kept saying “moron” to him!
Why was the planned Ryanair TV documentary scrapped? They were unable to air a pilot!
Which TV Christmas special is being filmed in Brussels this year? Deal Or No Deal!
Theresa May has asked Santa for a home makeover this year. First thing on the list was a new Cabinet!
What did Bruce Forsyth say when the Christmas pheasant repeated on him? Good game, good game!
Why did Jeremy Corbyn ask people not to eat sprouts on Christmas Day? He wants to give peas a chance!
What does Donald Trump do after he pulls a cracker? Pays her off!
Why has Debenhams been forced to cancel its Christmas nativity play? No prophet!
Why has Boris Johnson bought mistletoe this year? Because he’s tired of being in the single market!
How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He looks at the Calen-deer.
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, because it was on the house.
How is a reindeer like a coin? It has a head on one side and a tail on the other.
Why is Scrooge so nice to Santa’s reindeer? He values every buck.
What is brown, white and red all over? A sunburned reindeer.
Did Rudolph go to public school? No, he was elf-taught.
What did Rudolph say when he won the lottery? Christmas be my lucky day!
Why was Rudolph directing the Christmas play? Because Santa asked Rudolph: “Won’t you guide my play tonight?
Why did the reindeer cross the road? To fly to the other side.
Why does Rudolph fly? Because he can’t drive!
What do reindeer say before they tell a joke? This one will sleigh you!
How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tier.
What do Santa’s little helpers like to eat on a cold day at the North Pole? Elf-abet soup!
How did Rudolph survive his first trip with Santa? He held on for deer life.
What do baby elves learn in Kindergarten at the North Pole? The elf-abet.
What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he saw their Christmas tree? It looks okay, but you could Spruce it up a bit.
What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa’s Workshop? A rebel without a Claus!
What was Santa’s favorite subject in school? Chemistries.
How did Santa win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed.
How do you know when Santa’s around? You can always sense his presents.
Where does Santa always stay when he goes on any vacation? At the ho-ho-ho-tel.
What music does Santa’s elves like best? Wrap music!
How much did Santa’s sleigh cost? It was on the house!
What says “Oh, Oh, Oh” and wears a big red suit? Santa walking backwards!
Why did Santa get a parking ticket on Christmas? He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.
How much does it cost to run Santa’s sleigh? Eight bucks, or nine if the weather is bad.
How does Santa Claus keep track of every fireplace he has already visited? He keeps a log!
Who’s Santa Claus’s favorite pop star? It’s Beyond-sleigh.
What does Santa do when the reindeer drive too fast? Hold on for deer life.
What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack!
What does Mrs. Claus say to Santa when there are clouds in the sky? It looks like rain, dear.
How did the snowman pay for his groceries? With cold cash.
How does Jack Frost get to work? On a snowmobile.
What did one snowman say to the other? Did you pick your nose?
What did Santa say to the comedian? You sleigh me.
How do you invite Santa to a party? You request his presents.
Why did the snowman get detention? He was up to snow good.
What do you call someone afraid of Santa? A Claus-trophic.
What’s a cat’s favorite holiday song? “Here Comes Santa Claws.
What did one Christmas tree say to the other? I’m pining for you.
What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.
Where do Christmas trees go to have fun? Tinseltown.
Why did the snowman want a divorce? Because his wife was a total flake.
Why did the Grinch rob the liquor store? He desperately needed some holiday spirit.
Why doesn’t Santa have kids of his own? He only comes once a year.
Wanna see the North Pole? …At least that’s what Mrs. Claus calls it.
What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa was smart enough to stop at three hos.
What’s Santa’s safe sex tip? Wrap your package before shoving it down the chimney.
What’s the most disappointing thing for a man on Christmas morning? When he gets a sweater, but he’s hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
Why does Santa land on the roof? Because he likes it on top.
If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, do you mind if I visit between the holidays?
How did the reindeer learn to play piano?
He was elf-taught.
Where does Santa Claus go swimming?
The North Pool.
Who is Santa’s favorite actor?
Willem Dafoe-ho-ho.
Why did Mrs. Claus insist Santa take an umbrella?
“Because of the rain, dear.”
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
The only Christmas present that I got this year was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I find that very hard to deal with.
What could you call an elf who has just won the lottery?
Welfy.
Did you know that Santa actually only had two reindeer?
Rudolph and Olive (the other reindeer).
My friend just won the Tallest Christmas Tree competition.
I thought to myself, “How can you top that?”
What was the Christmas tree’s favorite shape? A triangle!
Who tells the best Christmas jokes?
Reindeer. They sleigh every time.
What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy? Orne-mints!
Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present’s beneath them.
What do you call cutting down a Christmas tree? Christmas chopping!
Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? They have too many needles.
Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite singer? Spruce Springsteen.
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you!
What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad? A pineapple!
What did one Christmas tree say to another? Lighten up!
What month does a Christmas tree hate the most? Sep-timber!
What do you call a greedy elf? Elfish
How do you know when Santa is in the room? You can sense his presents
How do sheep wish each other a Merry Christmas? Merry Christmas to ewe
How do Christmas angels greet each other? Halo!
Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
What’s an elf’s favorite music genre? Wrap
What did the farmer get for Christmas? A calculator
Why are Christmas trees bad at sewing? They always drop their needles
How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he has visited? He keeps a log book
THANKS FOR VISITING 🙂